-Shit just got inteeense! I want to hug Aang, Poor bastard.

- I also want to hug Zuko. And uh, wow, that was kind of a scary scene. Oh, Zuko, this show has already made me all emotionally invested.

- Fuck it, I'll hug everyone.

-This episode was so depressing. Jesus Christ.

Although I laughed for way too long at;
'I'm too young to die!'
'I'm not, but I still don't wanna!'

At the rate I am getting through episodes there is no way this is going to keep me going through the Supernatural hiatus...I meant to do one a day. And am now on episode 13. Despite having only decided to start watching on Friday when I needed something to distract me from SPN 5x10 (another damned intense episode, I'll have a fandom-related aneurysm any day now, I swear).

You'll have to bear with me posting so much today, I'm sorry - I'm in one of those stream-of-conciousness moods.

Anyway, I swear to God I've been ill for wayyy too long. Christ knows what it is, but I've had it for about three weeks. Started off stomach bug, then that was replaced by really bad cold, and now I've got this bitch of a cough instead that's all horrible and rattly sounding. Which may or may not be going away but what I do know is that I am now getting that horrible it-hurts-to-swallow thing.

Why so unhealthy?!

(Well, I know why, it's because I rarely sleep and my eating patterns are appalling. Still!)

-Sokka is such a badass. Yay for being morally correct! I feel kind of bad for him; he always gets the piss taken and I bet he feels like shit for not being a bender like Aang and Katara. Poor Sokka. I wish to pat him on the head.

-The colours are so pretty this episode. Autumny!

-I like how you can tell Aang doesn't want to fight until he absolutely has no choice whatsoever but they aren't ramming it down our throats. Most cartoons by this point would've had some kind of conversation between Aang and whoever all 'I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT, NOT UNLESS I HAVE TO'. But we've just been shown a couple of fight scenes where Aang does his best to avoid violence at first. For a kid's show, this is so subtle, it's awesome.

-Jet's whole 'we've got to make sacrifices thing', also awesome. Not because he's right, because he seems mildly psychotic and no, but it's well played here. There's another thing; we're getting right to the 'going on a quest to do this', no seasons of wandering and uselessness that sometimes happens Inuyasha I'm looking at you. Speaking of which, there's another point in Avatars favour; I don't know if anyone ever believed that Kagome was 15, 'cause I sure didn't. This show, though, the kids are like kids. Zuko is such a teenager, and you can tell Aang is still young and Katara and Sokka are barely older but had to grow up a bit back home.

-Hey, Katara froze him! Fuck yeah. Rapidly becoming my favourite female character ever, I believe.

-Hell, they actually wiped out the town? That was...unexpected. Hey there, obligatory abandoned-childs-toy shot.

-Oh, no, they didn't kill everyone. Good! That would've been far too dark only 10 episodes in.

Every time I watch this I sit here with a big stupid grin on my face all the way through.

I will never be able to watch enough of the fight scenes in Avatar. They're beautifully done. Although they make me wish I was an Airbender or a Firebender, which isn't likely to happen.

Also asfghjkl their friendships are SO ADORABLE. MOST ADORABLE SHOW EVER.

Alright. So you may know I have this inexplicable aversion to smutfic. I don't know, I just can't write it. This is impeding my ability to finish my Misha/Castiel fic and has led to such a weird conversation, I'm sure fandom shouldn't cross over with real life.

(soph loves sam)
sammm. i can't finish this fic.
it is annoying me.

Tea loves Biscuits
dont then

(soph loves sam)
i want to though :( it's really good up till now
but i've only got half the story.

Tea loves Biscuits
another day

(soph loves sam)
i've been putting it off for ages.
the ending wants to be written into a pairing but i usually don't write fic with pairings in.

Tea loves Biscuits
well there you go then

(soph loves sam)
i am not very good at romance.
and that's just the PG stuff. when i say this ending wants to be written into a pairing what i mean is i'm pretty sure it warrants some shameless smut. i do not write smutfic.
it's awkward.

Tea loves Biscuits
smut away

(soph loves sam)
i cannot physically write real smut
i tried, once. it pained me.
and then i just sat and laughed for so long that any kind of sexual mood in the fic would've been ruined.

Tea loves Biscuits
try again then

(soph loves sam)
i wouldn't even know where to begin. only sexual experience i've had is with you and i'm sure as hell not writing us into the fic in character like some kind of screwy roleplay thing.

Tea loves Biscuits
do it
or no smut

(soph loves sam)
there's no actual other logical way for it to end. i want to write it in but i just cannot bring myself to do it
it feels weeeeird. it's like showing total strangers a story about us doing it, only we're pretending to be characters from Supernatural
and, y'know, i don't have a penis, but that's a minor detail

Tea loves Biscuits
you arent doing brotherly love are you?

(soph loves sam)
ew, no
i'm doing...uh, weird fic. which is a crossover with real life. that just makes it harder to write! it has a real person in it!
i shouldn't talk to real life people about fandom, i sound so awful and depraved.

Tea loves Biscuits
ew sex real life boys

(soph loves sam)
it's more 'hey i'm writing an actor who in no way asked for this to have sex with the character that he plays onscreen.'
does that count as incest? i don't think it does.
in any case. i am writing a fic. with a real life actor, which is morally dubious. and an angel of the lord. which is bordering on blasphemy.
and using my own sexual endeavours as basis.
it's weird on all levels.

Tea loves Biscuits
for shame

(soph loves sam)
WRITING IS HARD.

Tea loves Biscuits
there is a joke there somehwere


(soph loves sam)
i am baring all my epic manpain to you and you just make penis jokes.
typical. i bet you would write smut. cocks everywhere. that kind of thing.

Tea loves Biscuits
nothing about that is epic


(soph loves sam)
you're an epic manpain.

So there is something INTENSELY AWKWARD about discussing my pornographic habits - or rather lack thereof - with my other half. Something just absolutely bizarre about him encouraging it, too. I am not sure that this conversation helped at all!

Facebook is wonderful after an event.

Sketchers: cut herself out of her necklace last night in a fit of drunken paranoia that it'd strangle me whilst I slept. Not sure why i thought scissors near my jugular were the safer option, but hello life, goodbye reasonably pretty necklace...


Tom > Tom S: I don't regret a lot of things.

But licking the cream off your face is one.

Sophia: Tom, you don't even drink, why would you do that?
Tom: CHARLIE DID IT FIRST.

Tom > Calum: I was set upon last night by three guys down an alley. I managed to knock one out.

Not the best time for a wank but what the hell.

I am halfway through making the world's most epic awesome mindmap on Marxism. Unfortunately it's burning my brains out, so I've gone to distract myself by looking through my old Facebook photos. As such; picture post! Very big picture post. Like, the last four years of my life picture post (it's ok; I took pretty much no photos September to June last year, at least.) I just like spamming my f-list, and also I like keeping my favourite photos in as many places as possible in case I lose them.



That effectively wasted some time and clogged up my f-list with things nobody particularly cares to see...now what to do?

I have been awake since half six for no good reason at all. Also my legs ache.

My fic-writing mojo is broken :( I have two or three ideas that I want to write but I can't seem to get them out. Think they'll have to wait till after my Cambridge interview; too busy trying to learn everything I can so I sound clever. Wish I hadn't mentioned Marxism in my personal statement; there is a lot to know about it.

Can't concentrate this early in the morning though, so watching a download of Misha at the Chicago con. Good God, that man is far too attractive.

Very much in the mood to hang out with Sam today. It's strange, really; things haven't been going badly as such, more strange for a few weeks, not how it used to be kind of thing. And I dunno if it's because of that not-really conversation we had that I mentioned, or because I messaged him and Jake telling them that sometimes they take this fake being mean to me thing too far, or just coincidence, but things are suddenly fantastic again.

The other night was awesome. One of my old friends who goes to college that I don't speak to much any more does a Children in Need music event every year; his dad makes guitars professionally, so obviously they know a lot of music sort of people. Used to be that him and Sam and two other guys were in a band together, but like I said, Alex is at college. Add that to the fact that Freddie has a girlfriend who he doesn't get to see during school time, Sam is crazy about schoolwork, and Jack the drummer is busy being on drugs (oh, the rock and roll life) and there's not much time for practice, so that's ended.

Anyway, the band didn't play this evening because of that, but Sam and Freddie played an acoustic set. It's been so long since I've heard Freddie sing properly; he sounds great. They didn't have time to do a proper sound check and whoever set up the guitars didn't quite tune them right, but I don't care because they still sounded good. I love it when Sam is on stage. It makes me feel a) really lucky to have such a kickass boyfriend and b) very very smug.

There weren't enough tickets for anyone from Wollaston to go - I wasn't even able to go until Sam managed to sort something out an hour before - and another of my old friends was there but I don't particularly get on with her any more, and her college friends are strange, so whilst they were playing I lurked about awkwardly. But when they finished it was awesome; we watched the rest of the bands and Sam had his arm round my waist the entire time, and I've missed him. We were still getting along, but in a good-friends way. I wouldn't give him up as a best friend for the world, obviously, but for the most part the relationship is kind of best-friends-and-boyfriend thing. And it's back to that, it seems! So I'm happy.

Also and on a totally shallow note he looks even more incredible than usual playing guitar. I mock him for his 'guitar-face' - he goes all concentratey and bites his lip and frowns a lot - but he looks good. Misha Collins may be far too attractive but he's got nothing on Sam.

You can all go and throw up from sickening sweet teenage love now.

so i'm mildly drunk right now! not enough to be rendered fully incoherent luckily but this is taking me a VERY LONG TIME to type so what can you do

i have been to A PARTY

it started out fairly shitty i will be honst with you, because sam wasn't there and when sam isn't there i tend to not be good at talking to anyone apart from my group of friends and they were all dancing and i DON'T DANCE when i'm sober and i was too broke to buy drinks and too stubborn to borrow from people

but my faith has been rather restored at least in the people i know because i went and stood outside so i didnt get coerced into dancing ridiculousness and so many people came up and asked if i was alright and hugged me and it was quite, quite sweet. even the year 12s who i barely talk to were lovely

and then cheska offered me a drink and i was ok with that because i was tired of skulking about and i've known cheska since year 4 so i'm ok with borrowing her money. and then after 1 double vodka i was ok with borrowing other peoples money too and calum bought me TWO DRINKS so yes

i love my friends, i really do. they are all so much fun and awesome, and generally fantastic.

i danced a lot. and talked to emily and sketchers in the toilets, which is becoming an odd habit

i love my school.

I don't approve of this ridiculous fad of having symmetrical faces. I'm going to a party tonight and have one eyebrow perfectly plucked to an 'attractive but with a sense of humour' sort of angle and my face hurts too much to do the other. Also I just left the room and found that although I only own one pair of tweezers, there are now two sets sat next to each other. I think they are asexually breeding.

I feel far too disgusting for a party. Unfortunately timed allergic reactions are the second bane of my life, just under epically dry skin and just above 'hey, my special facewash has run out, I'll use mums' epiphanies.

This will be the first time in a long time I go to a party without being drunk beforehand. I'm so very, very bad at socializing. Not entirely looking forwards to it. I went to one yesterday but that didn't count, I didn't know anyone anyway so I just watched Sam and Freddie play their gig from a corner then hung out with Sam all evening.

On the plus side, I have a very nice dress.

I'M DYING THIS IS KILLING ME AND I'M DYING HOLY SHIT THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE EPISODE

So to pass the time before Supernatural tonight I decided to download the first episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender like Sam's been trying to convince me to do for months. Or longer, actually, 'cause I can remember him talking about it before we were even dating, which seems like forever ago. I've kept meaning to watch it and just not got round to it, but I have now watched the first episode! And I love it already. Aang is adorable. And I really like Katara too, from what I've seen, which makes a change because I'm so used to Supernatural, where I dislike basically every female character (Ruby and Ellen and Becky are exempt). I don't hate my own gender! Hooray!

Sam has all the episodes on his hard-drive, so thank God there's something to keep me going through the Supernatural hiatus. I do believe I will enjoy this show very much.

Calum: I was not picking my nose. Shut up. I have an itch.
Alex: Yeah, I'm sure. You're totally disgusting, either way.
Calum: Oh, do my habits offend you, Your Highness?
Sam: I think you mean Your Sinus!
Everyone: OHHHHHHHHHH.

You ever read Enid Blyton when you were little? I used to read them all the time, more because my mother had so many that they made up a vast majority of the book collection in our house and I read a lot than because of any particular fondness for them. They always made me half-irritated and half-wistful. The Famous Five were sanctimonious asshats (though I don't believe I referred to them as such when I was still a six year old), but I kind of enjoyed the Mallory Towers series. I always wanted to go to boarding school because of them, and play a jolly good game of lacrosse (I never did really find out what lacrosse entails) and have midnight feasts and play amusing japes on the strict but fair teachers.

That is, until Harry Potter came out and boarding school seemed more likely to end in Basilisk-related death and pain than anything else.

Liv: Finger me, Sketchers!...What? No, I was talking about - I mean, the chocolate fingers, because...oh, fuck off.

Mallory Towers has nothing on our school, anyway. For starters, I don't recall any of them being allowed to indulge in teacher-endorsed thievery and kidnapping. Rag Week this year will be freakin' fantastic.

Sketchers: We need more ways to raise money.
Mrs Coles: You could always just kidnap teachers and hold them to high ransom.
Liv: Oh my God, that is the best idea we've heard so far.
Me: Oh! Oh! Can we kill their pets if they don't comply? Or set them on fire?!
Liv: THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME.

Sadly,t was generally decided that actually, none of us could get the jump on a teacher and it'd probably reflect badly on the Social Committee anyway. But me, Liv and Sketchers came up with a cunning plan; Operation Keano.

It's all very complex and technical, but I shall endeavour to explain in laymans terms for you.

1) Nick all the posters, pictures and peculiar Soviet memorabilia from Mr Keane's office (he's the head of Humanities and joint head of Sixth Form and has lots of weird shit in his office).
2) Send photos of us threatening said items to all teachers with a demand for a certain amount of money to be raised by the end of the week. (We will have paper bags on our heads in the photos so as not to be recognised, of course.)
3) Leave newspaper-cutting notes on Mr Keane's desk, for authenticity. Unless we steal the desk.
4) Profit! For charity.
5) Buy Keano a bottle of wine or something so that he doesn't hate us forever.

Complicated, I know. I can't wait. The other head of Sixth Form approved, and we have the help of the Humanities staff, who are the coolest teachers in our school. It is super-secret, so only me, Sketchers, Liv, and those few select teachers know about it. And you guys, but you don't go to Wollaston.

Liv: Hey Mr Lewis, we have a suggestion for Rag Week but we need your opinion.
Me: Don't dismiss it immediately, it's kind of unethical but it's for a good cause...
Sketchers: Basically, we're going to nick stuff from Mr Keane's office-
Mr Lewis: I love it. Take his communist stuff. Or the photos of his kids! And then set them on fire if you don't get money. Set them on fire anyway! You could steal that weird semi-homoerotic picture that Calum and everyone did for him.
Me: That's alr-wait, what?

I want 5x10 now, oh my God.

Now, possibly this is just a product of my SPN-obsessed mind, but...

( Ein spoilery pic from Doctor Who - Waters of Mars and Supernatural - Lazarus Rising )

I just bought another book.

I can't stop myself.

I love my f-list, I really do. You guys are too sweet.

I also love Amazon, because today I got home to find that I have Derren Brown: The Specials DVDs, my Latin textbook, A Dictionary of Angels and The Heptameron and Magical Elements of Peter de Abano just waiting for me to enjoy them. Would rather have preferred Thud! to have arrived so I could actually get some work done, but at least I can enjoy myself. I still haven't read John Donne - tried earlier but I'd just finished Prufrock and Other Observations and comparatively it was really tough-going, not at all as easy on the ear or really as enjoyable as Eliot. I think I've fallen a bit in love with his poetry - I know, I say I love everything, but what can I say, I'm clearly a loving person. Or just prone to hyperbole - it broke my habit of absolutely not being able to write in books. Which you'd think would be a bad thing, but I just really loved all the interlinking themes or phrases (the music; 'the dying fall', all the fog and tobacco) and I just had to pencil in a bunch of notes.

I did start The Art of Fiction, too, by David Lodge. I didn't get any further than Beginnings and Intrusive Author Voice but it looks to be really interesting. He's got a pleasant sort of style in his analysis.

Speaking of which, God, I felt smart today. It was fairly awesome. We've started studying Paradise Lost for our Gothic LIterature topic, but we're focusing on it in a more general way so that we can fully understand it (the first two books, anyway). Only we read the first small section a few weeks ago; we had to decide which text we wanted to be our main one and Miss Randell wanted us to do Paradise Lost so she gave us a choice between that or The Canterbury Tales after giving us an excerpt of both, and you can imagine how well Chaucer would go down for us in a closed-book exam. But I got really quite into it when we started - I think I mentioned I'm quite into biblical mythology right now, thank you Castiel - and decided to write my application essay for Cambridge Uni on it. Which, obviously, had to be a fairly high-quality essay. So I know one hell of a lot about it now, compared to everyone else who hasn't had chance to even read it yet. I like knowing more than everyone. It makes me all warm inside, even if it is just from an unfair advantage. Whatever, I looked all intellectual. I did not mention that every single point that I made in my PL essay was basically things from the angels/Lucifer/Heaven and Hell story arc on Supernatural. No-one needs to know that.

TL:DR: I have books and Misha Collins indirectly helped me get an interview at Uni. Score.

Had a bit of an f-list clean-up. Sorry if I deleted you; I don't hate you! And it's not like I lock anything anyway. Just fancied having my friends page look a bit tidier and less effort :)

Awww, goddamn. I just realised that this time next year, Supernatural will probably be finished forever. And I'll still be poor and in school. Which means I'm never gonna be able to attend a real Supernatural con. That sucks out loud. Gragh! I'm so jealous of everyone at ChiCon.